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When a tragedy like the loss of your home occurs, you often don’t experience the grief of loss just once. You’re likely to relive your grief on the anniversary of your loss and on special days throughout the year, such as a birthday or religious holiday. It can be difficult to explain to others why losing your home has had such a profound outlook on your life and emotions. Just remember, it is important to grieve any loss, even if it was the loss of your home or possessions.

The return of these feelings of grief is not necessarily a setback in the grieving process. Neither should you worry if you are grieving over the loss of your home and not the death of a person. Your grief is a reflection that the events that took place in your home were important to you, and you grieve the loss of that place of memory. Learning more about what to expect and how to cope with reminders of your loss can help make the grieving process a healthy, healing one.

When grief returns

The memories and emotions rekindled through reminders are called anniversary reactions. These reactions, which can last for days or weeks at a time, often give rise to a host of emotions and physical problems.

You may experience sadness, loneliness, anger, anxiety, nightmares and lack of interest in activities, just as you did when you first grieved. You may weep unexpectedly or replay images or scenes related to losing your home. You might have trouble eating or sleeping, or develop headaches, stomach pain or intestinal upset.

Anniversary reactions can also evoke powerful emotional memories — experiences in which you vividly recall the feelings and events surrounding the loss. You might remember in great detail where you were and what you were doing, for instance.

Common triggers of grief

Some reminders are almost inevitable, especially during the first year losing your home. That’s when you’ll face a lot of “firsts” — the first Christmas without your family’s ornaments, for example. The first Mother’s Day in a leased apartment instead of your own bedroom or kitchen. The first anniversary of the fire or flood. Your reactions to these firsts might be intense, but you’ll probably find it easier to cope with subsequent anniversary dates as years pass.

Common reminders that may trigger your grief also include:

• Any event tied to someone else’ home

• Family gatherings or celebrations

• Childhood milestones, including the first day of school, prom, homecoming and other child-oriented days, such as Halloween

Reminders aren’t just tied to the calendar, though. They can be anywhere — in sights, sounds and smells, in the news or on television programs. And they can ambush you, suddenly flooding you with emotions. Just because the news anchors aren’t reporting on the fire that wiped out your neighboorhood, doesn’t mean it will be any less difficult to watch.

Even years after a loss you may continue to feel sadness and pain when you’re confronted with such reminders. Although some people think grieving should last a year or less, grieve at your own pace.

When grief becomes depression or PTSD

On the other hand, protracted or intense grief can be unhealthy. If you find that your feelings interfere with your ability to function in your daily life — you miss work deadlines, have conflicts with family or friends, neglect your appearance or stop socializing, for instance — you may no longer be simply grieving. Your grief may have progressed into depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Depression
Symptoms of depression include self-criticism, feelings of guilt about the loss and even thoughts of suicide. If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms, it’s time to get treatment. Start by visiting your primary care doctor to discuss treatment options, such as psychotherapy or medication.

PTSD
In some cases, anniversary reactions can trigger PTSD. This is more likely to occur when you have recurrent distressful memories of something that happened to you personally, such as a mugging or a car accident. Signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress include fear and anxiety, a lack of focus, sadness, changes in sleeping or eating habits, bouts of crying, or recurrent thoughts or nightmares about the event. If you have these disturbing feelings for more than a month, if they’re severe or if you feel you’re having trouble coping, see your doctor or a mental health professional.

Be calm. Children mirror the reactions of their parents and caregivers. Since the whole family has been affected by the disaster, there can be a tendency to be open with your grief from the beginning. It is fine to share feelings of sorrow, which can encourage the children to express their own sadness. However, express your more intense reactions with other adults, outside the presence of the children.

Tell the truth but don’t provide more information than is requested. Allow children to ask questions, listen carefully and thoughtfully and then answer them. Don’t be surprised if they ask a question, and then ask it again later. They are only trying to reassure themselves and feel more secure. Children deal with trauma in small segments. Never force a child to talk about it if he or she doesn’t want to. Lying about the situation, even if it is in an attempt to assuage the child’s feelings, will ultimately be detrimental.

Stay home during the evenings. Limit separation from your children as a much as possible for a few days. They are looking to you for stability and strength and need your presence for comfort.

Allow and encourage more telephone contact than usual. Encourage your children to call you at work or wherever you may be if they feel afraid or if something upsetting has happened.

Reassure the children that you are their protector. Let your children know that they do not need to worry about their safety. Assure them that the fire has passed and that they are safe. If your child seems more fearful than usual about going to bed, encourage sleeping with favorite toys, blankets, or perhaps allowing a pet to stay in the room. Use nightlights.

Encourage the child to cry or express their emotions in other ways. The child is reacting to their loss and it much healthier for them to express their emotions than to bottle them up. Instead of calling children “babies” for crying, comfort and support them rather than tell children to be “big boys and girls.”

Recognize that some children will reenact what happened through play or artwork. It can be empowering for children to play with toy fire trucks and to use the ladders to rescue people and put out fires. Some may draw rescue efforts. If you see re-enacting play or art, ask your child to talk about it with you.

Some children, especially young children may regress for a while. Previously mastered skills such as sleeping alone, dressing without help, and toilet training may be lost for a while. Children should not be disciplined for these regressions.

Watch for signs of more serious problems. These might include failing grades, new and dangerous friends, avoiding relationships other than those with whom they feel most secure, general irritability, sleeping problems, and eating significantly more or less than usual. Seek professional assistance if you are concerned.

Coalition of victim assistance organizations providing this information include:

Association of Traumatic Stress Specialists, California Crime Victim Compensation Board, Colorado Organization for Victim Assistance, Concerns of Police Survivors (COPS), Joint Center on Violence and Victim Studies, Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) National Office, National Association of Crime Victim Compensation Boards, National Association of VOCA Administrators, National Center for Victims of Crime, National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, National Organization for Victim Assistance (NOVA), National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children, National Sexual Violence Resource Center, Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape and Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS).

Additional information and trauma recovery tips and information can be found at

• www.madd.org

• www.NCVC.org

• www.pomc.org

• www.try-nova.org

1: Know your coverage

Get a replacement copy of your policy and declarations page as soon as possible. Check the stated dollar limits for your main coverage categories. You will be asked to provide a list of damaged contents. The easiest way to prepare for this is an annual video tape of your home. If you have a video like this or any other record of your possessions that were damaged or destroyed in the fire, add it to your insurance policy paperwork. Also, many insurance policies cover temporary housing or “loss of use coverage.” Make sure you save all of your receipts for living expenses after the loss of your home.

2. Call your Insurance Company

The first thing you should do after you know you have suffered a loss due to a fire is call your insurance company to notify them that your house burned. You will then need to file a claim. This typically includes: the date of loss, type of loss, location damage, any related injuries, others involved, condition of the home, description of damaged contents, whether or not temporary repairs are necessary and a police report.

3. Save yourself the headache and hire Reliable Reconstruction as your General Contractors

Reliable Reconstruction will handle all of the paperwork for your insurance claim. Our line-item estimate at the site of your fire will help to establish the scope of your loss and give an accurate picture of the rebuilding costs. Reliable Reconstruction has personal relationships with insurance adjusters and “speaks their language” so your claim can be expedited and your construction project started as soon as possible.

Fire protection is an important part of your family’s safety. Did you know that fire is one of the leading causes of accidental death in the home, most often affecting children and the elderly? In addition, fires account for over $2 billion in damage to homes each year. Take the following preventive measures to keep your home and family safe from fire.

Fire prevention tactics

Fires can begin anywhere, but there are two areas in your home that pose the biggest fire threat - the kitchen and the garage. You can reduce your risk of fire in these vulnerable places by taking the following precautions:

• Use only UL-listed (Underwriter’s Laboratory) or FM (Factory Mutual) approved appliances and tools.

• Check regularly for frayed or worn power cords or plugs, and replace them immediately.

• Don’t operate appliances, switches or outlets with wet hands.

• Never plug in more appliances than a socket is designed to handle.

• Don’t store flammable items over the stove.

• Turn pot handles inward so children can’t pull them down.

• Keep a fire extinguisher on a wall nearby the stove.

• Keep areas around stoves, refrigerators and dishwashers clean to prevent dust particles from igniting.

• Keep trash and other items away from the furnace or water heater, preferably stored in sealed containers.

• Check heating equipment annually.

• Store gasoline and other flammables in tight metal containers, away from the house - never near heating equipment or a pilot light.

Install smoke detectors

Most deaths from fire occur when people are sleeping. Smoke detectors are an important and effective tool. Many building codes require smoke detectors in homes. If you install battery operated smoke detectors, change the batteries once a year. New Year’s Day is a great time to replace the batteries and start the year knowing you and your family will be safe.

The National Fire Protection Association recommends that you install one smoke detector outside each bedroom, and on all levels of your home. Remember to test all your smoke detectors at least once a month.

Install a monitored fire detection system

A monitored smoke detector not only sounds an audible alarm, but it automatically sends a signal to a monitoring center which can quickly dispatch the fire department. Monitored smoke detectors provide more complete protection, whether you’re home or away.

Keep a fire extinguisher handy

A fire extinguisher can help you control a small fire and prevent further damage. A multi-purpose dry chemical fire extinguisher labeled A-B-C is effective for most types of fires and is a must for every home. Other types of fire extinguishers designed for fighting specific types of fires are especially useful in the following areas of your home:

• In the den or living areas - Type A for use on ordinary combustibles such as paper, cloth, wood, rubber and many plastics.

• In the kitchen or garage - Type B for flammable liquids such as oils, gasoline, kitchen grease, paints and solvents.

• In the basement or workroom - Type C for electrical fires such as wiring, fuse boxes, motors, power tools, appliances and electronics.

Plan your escape route

In the event of a large, uncontrollable fire, your best defense is a quick escape. You should plan an escape route and practice it regularly with your family. An alternate route should also be planned and practiced, in case the main route is blocked by fire.

Make sure even the youngest member of the family knows what to do if they smell smoke or see a fire.

By taking these steps you will do all you can to prevent a fire in your home and the tragedy of loss of life. Fire Prevention is not only possible, it is essential!

To assemble an emergency kit, select a large backpack or plastic bin, depending on the size of your family. Fill your emergency kit container with:

• Batteries

• Latex gloves

• Plastic bags

• Feminine supplies

• Can opener

• Flashlight

• Antacids

• Signal flares

• Tweezers

• Scissors

• Antiseptics

• Aspirin

• Disinfectants

• Food

• Soap

• Battery-powered radio

• Dust Masks

• Water

• Bandages

• Laxatives
• Specialty Medicines

Plan to have at least 1 gallon of water per day for each person in your family. You should have a minimum of 3 days worth of water. Add extra water for nursing mothers.

Keep your emergency kit in an accessible location in your home and make sure every member of your family knows where it is located.

Here are some tips and other mental health resources offered by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) on how to minimize the possible mental and emotional effects of trauma caused by the recent California wildfires.

The devastating effects of natural disasters can have tremendous psychological impacts on those involved both directly and indirectly. Affected individuals may often have various stress reactions that present psychological, as well as physical symptoms. However, there are steps that individuals can take for themselves and their families to mitigate and lessen the impact of the loss.

After the fire has passed, the APA recommends following these steps to begin coping with the possible devastation and stress that follows such a disaster:

1. Stay informed about new information and developments, but avoid overexposure to news rebroadcasts of the events. Unfortunately, the same information is often replayed over and over on television news channels. It is important to break away from the sensationalism and interact with others. Be sure to use credible information sources to avoid speculation and rumors.

2. Take control of what you can. If possible, stay out of heavily damaged areas that will cause you unnecessary stress and anxiety. Make conscious decisions to avoid talk of the disaster at times.

3. If you feel anxious, angry or depressed, you are not alone. Talk to friends, family or colleagues who likely are experiencing the same feelings.

4. If you have children in your life, keep open dialogues with them regarding their fears of danger and the disaster. Let them know that in time, the tragedy will pass. Don’t minimize the danger or loss, but talk about your ability to cope with tragedy and get through the ordeal.

5. Feelings of anxiety and depression following a traumatic event are natural. If these symptoms continue, even after order has been restored, or if these feelings begin to overwhelm you, seek the advice of a professional in your community.

For additional information regarding fire and storm related disasters, including hurricanes, visit APA’s Disaster Psychiatry Web site at http://www.psych.org/disasterpsych/.

Most insurance
policies
cover smoke damage.Most insurance policies cover smoke damage. Check with your insurance agent to see what your fire policy covers in regards to smoke damage. Reliable Reconstruction offers emergency clean-up services for homes and their contents damaged by smoke.

If you want to do some or all of the work yourself, here are some helpful tips from FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency):

· Pressure wash, scrub or disinfect all exterior surfaces including walls, walks, drives, decks, window and deck screens, etc.

· Wash and disinfect all interior walls and hard surfaces with mild soap or other appropriate cleaning solutions or products, and rinse thoroughly. Don’t forget inside cabinets, drawers and closets.

· Launder or dry clean all clothing.

· Wash, dust or otherwise clean all household items, including knick-knacks.

· Disinfect and deodorize all carpets, window coverings, upholstered furniture and mattresses with steam or other appropriate equipment.

· Upholstery, fabric window treatments, etc. can be spray-treated with deodorizing products available at most supermarkets, but do not use odor-masking sprays.

· Have heating, ventilating and air-conditioning units and all ductwork professionally cleaned to remove soot, ash and smoke residue. Change filters when you first return to the premises and at least once a month for the first year.

· If aerial fire retardant or firefighting foam residue is present on the house and/or automobiles, use a mild detergent and brushes to scrub and dilute the dried residue and flush it from the surfaces; rinse with clean water. A follow-up with pressure washing may be beneficial but will not replace scrubbing to remove the residue.

· Ash and soot on the ground and vegetation in the vicinity will continue to generate smoke odors and airborne particles when disturbed by air movement. Until the ash and soot are diluted and absorbed by the environment, indoor mechanical air filtration may help minimize the uncomfortable and potentially health-threatening impact of these pollutants.