When you lose your home due to fire or flood, the grief doesn’t disappear immediately.
When a tragedy like the loss of your home occurs, you often don’t experience the grief of loss just once. You’re likely to relive your grief on the anniversary of your loss and on special days throughout the year, such as a birthday or religious holiday. It can be difficult to explain to others why losing your home has had such a profound outlook on your life and emotions. Just remember, it is important to grieve any loss, even if it was the loss of your home or possessions.
The return of these feelings of grief is not necessarily a setback in the grieving process. Neither should you worry if you are grieving over the loss of your home and not the death of a person. Your grief is a reflection that the events that took place in your home were important to you, and you grieve the loss of that place of memory. Learning more about what to expect and how to cope with reminders of your loss can help make the grieving process a healthy, healing one.
When grief returns
The memories and emotions rekindled through reminders are called anniversary reactions. These reactions, which can last for days or weeks at a time, often give rise to a host of emotions and physical problems.
You may experience sadness, loneliness, anger, anxiety, nightmares and lack of interest in activities, just as you did when you first grieved. You may weep unexpectedly or replay images or scenes related to losing your home. You might have trouble eating or sleeping, or develop headaches, stomach pain or intestinal upset.
Anniversary reactions can also evoke powerful emotional memories — experiences in which you vividly recall the feelings and events surrounding the loss. You might remember in great detail where you were and what you were doing, for instance.
Common triggers of grief
Some reminders are almost inevitable, especially during the first year losing your home. That’s when you’ll face a lot of “firsts” — the first Christmas without your family’s ornaments, for example. The first Mother’s Day in a leased apartment instead of your own bedroom or kitchen. The first anniversary of the fire or flood. Your reactions to these firsts might be intense, but you’ll probably find it easier to cope with subsequent anniversary dates as years pass.
Common reminders that may trigger your grief also include:
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Any event tied to someone else’ home
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Family gatherings or celebrations
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Childhood milestones, including the first day of school, prom, homecoming and other child-oriented days, such as Halloween
Reminders aren’t just tied to the calendar, though. They can be anywhere — in sights, sounds and smells, in the news or on television programs. And they can ambush you, suddenly flooding you with emotions. Just because the news anchors aren’t reporting on the fire that wiped out your neighboorhood, doesn’t mean it will be any less difficult to watch.
Even years after a loss you may continue to feel sadness and pain when you’re confronted with such reminders. Although some people think grieving should last a year or less, grieve at your own pace.
When grief becomes depression or PTSD
On the other hand, protracted or intense grief can be unhealthy. If you find that your feelings interfere with your ability to function in your daily life — you miss work deadlines, have conflicts with family or friends, neglect your appearance or stop socializing, for instance — you may no longer be simply grieving. Your grief may have progressed into depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Depression
Symptoms of depression include self-criticism, feelings of guilt about the loss and even thoughts of suicide. If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms, it’s time to get treatment. Start by visiting your primary care doctor to discuss treatment options, such as psychotherapy or medication.
PTSD
In some cases, anniversary reactions can trigger PTSD. This is more likely to occur when you have recurrent distressful memories of something that happened to you personally, such as a mugging or a car accident. Signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress include fear and anxiety, a lack of focus, sadness, changes in sleeping or eating habits, bouts of crying, or recurrent thoughts or nightmares about the event. If you have these disturbing feelings for more than a month, if they’re severe or if you feel you’re having trouble coping, see your doctor or a mental health professional.

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