When tragedy, like the loss of the family home due to a fire, strikes, children are often the most affected. Children are especially vulnerable to the trauma and unforgettable images from the tragedy and its aftermath.. Concerned parents and other adults want to respond sensitively and appropriately to their children, helping them to feel physically and emotionally safe. Children under the age of five won’t fully understand what has happened, but will pick up on the reactions of those around them and act accordingly. Adolescents will respond much the same as adults. The following tips will help provide a supportive and stable environment for the children of this nation.
Be calm. Children mirror the reactions of their parents and caregivers. Since the whole family has been affected by the disaster, there can be a tendency to be open with your grief from the beginning. It is fine to share feelings of sorrow, which can encourage the children to express their own sadness. However, express your more intense reactions with other adults, outside the presence of the children.
Tell the truth but don’t provide more information than is requested. Allow children to ask questions, listen carefully and thoughtfully and then answer them. Don’t be surprised if they ask a question, and then ask it again later. They are only trying to reassure themselves and feel more secure. Children deal with trauma in small segments. Never force a child to talk about it if he or she doesn’t want to. Lying about the situation, even if it is in an attempt to assuage the child’s feelings, will ultimately be detrimental.
Stay home during the evenings. Limit separation from your children as a much as possible for a few days. They are looking to you for stability and strength and need your presence for comfort.
Allow and encourage more telephone contact than usual. Encourage your children to call you at work or wherever you may be if they feel afraid or if something upsetting has happened.
Reassure the children that you are their protector. Let your children know that they do not need to worry about their safety. Assure them that the fire has passed and that they are safe. If your child seems more fearful than usual about going to bed, encourage sleeping with favorite toys, blankets, or perhaps allowing a pet to stay in the room. Use nightlights.
Encourage the child to cry or express their emotions in other ways. The child is reacting to their loss and it much healthier for them to express their emotions than to bottle them up. Instead of calling children “babies” for crying, comfort and support them rather than tell children to be “big boys and girls.”
Recognize that some children will reenact what happened through play or artwork. It can be empowering for children to play with toy fire trucks and to use the ladders to rescue people and put out fires. Some may draw rescue efforts. If you see re-enacting play or art, ask your child to talk about it with you.
Some children, especially young children may regress for a while. Previously mastered skills such as sleeping alone, dressing without help, and toilet training may be lost for a while. Children should not be disciplined for these regressions.
Watch for signs of more serious problems. These might include failing grades, new and dangerous friends, avoiding relationships other than those with whom they feel most secure, general irritability, sleeping problems, and eating significantly more or less than usual. Seek professional assistance if you are concerned.
Coalition of victim assistance organizations providing this information include:
Association of Traumatic Stress Specialists, California Crime Victim Compensation Board, Colorado Organization for Victim Assistance, Concerns of Police Survivors (COPS), Joint Center on Violence and Victim Studies, Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) National Office, National Association of Crime Victim Compensation Boards, National Association of VOCA Administrators, National Center for Victims of Crime, National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, National Organization for Victim Assistance (NOVA), National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children, National Sexual Violence Resource Center, Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape and Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS).
Additional information and trauma recovery tips and information can be found at
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